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好累人的英语笑话~hot!

发布于:2022-05-30 作者:admin123 阅读:20

Are you going to treat me?

    An American actress came to China for the first time. One day when she was looking for her new Chinese friend after a performance, she came across an anxious Chinese who had always wanted to practice his English with native speakers, but had never found the chance. When he saw the actress, he went up and exchanged greetings, then started his practice.

     “How old are you?”

     “I’m sorry. Please don’t ask a lady about her age,” the actress said uneasily.

     “How much do you earn each month?” the Chinese tried hard to recall this sentence from his textbook.

     “Sorry again. We don’t feel like telling others about that either, “ she again refused to answer.

     “Have you had lunch?” the Chinese tried again to show his traditional way of greeting.

     “No, are you planning to treat me to a meal?’ she asked in surprise.

    你要请客吗?

    有位美国女演员首次来中国演出,有一天演出结束后在找她的中国朋友时,碰见一位总想与老外练讲英语的中国人,可惜他一直没有这样的机会。当看到这位女演员时,他走上前去互相问候,接着便练起英语来。

     “你多大啦?”

     “对不起,请不要问女士的年龄,”演员感到很不自在。

     “你每月挣多少钱?”中国人极力回忆着教科书上的句子。

     “对不起,我们也不愿意把这事告诉给人家。”她再次拒绝了对方。

     “你吃过饭了吗?” 中国人再次用本民族的传方式询问对方。

     “没有,你要请我吃饭吗?”她惊喜地问。

    Give up your seat to a lady

    Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

      "You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

      "But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

      给女士让座

      小强尼说:“妈妈,今天早上和爸爸在公车上时,他叫我让座给一位女士。”

      妈妈说:“你做得很对呀。”

      “但是,妈妈,我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”

    深圳加拿大派特森英语学习中心

    好雷人的精品英语笑话

    1. I Have His Ear in My Pocket

    Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

    "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

    "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

    "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

    他的耳朵在我衣兜里

    伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

    “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

    “再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

    “他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

    2. A Good Boy

    Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

    "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

    "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

    "She is the one who sells the candy."

    好孩子

    小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

    “昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

    “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

    “她是个卖糖果的。”

    3. Drunk

    One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he

    asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two

    policemen as four then I am drunk."

    "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

    醉酒

    一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲

    回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

    4. Hospitality

    The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment

    and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have

    better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

    好客

    由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。

    客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

    5. Adidas

    上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

    6. 上帝曾经答应我

    Once god came up to me granted me a wish. I asked for world peace. That's impossible, he said.

    有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。

    Then I asked him to give you brains. He said, "Let me try world peace".

    然后我请让你变聪明。他说:“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。”

    7.Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?

    Jack: Certainly.

    Tom: And why?

    Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.

    汤姆:威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他?

    杰克:当然应该了。

    汤姆:为什么?

    杰克:否则他就该跟我借了

    8..I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport

    gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded. 'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him. 'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed.

    我陪丈夫一起出差,他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。

    “你为什么那么紧张呢?”我问他。

    “这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道

    9.Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

    Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

    妈妈:你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?

    汤姆:我刚吃完药,可我忘了先摇动瓶子了

    10.One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

    On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves

    you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'

    My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'

    一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

    我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

    11.Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

    'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'

    'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

    玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟,一天对他抱怨说:“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”

    “不用担心,亲爱的,所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。

    12. Nest and Hair

    My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

    "What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

    "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

    "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

    "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

    Notes:

    (1) inform v.告诉

    (2) nest n.窝;巢

    (3) description n.描述

    (4) encourage v.鼓励

    (5) resemble v. 相似;类似

    鸟窝与头发

    我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

    “是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。

    “我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

    “那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。

    “哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。”

    13. I've Just Bitten My Tongue

    "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

    "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

    "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

    Notes:

    (1) poisonous adj.有毒的

    (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

    我刚咬破自己的舌头

    “我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

    “是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

    “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

  深圳加拿大派特森英语学习中心

  地址:深圳罗湖区南湖路2011号庆安大厦3层

  电话:0755-82353939

  网站:

一、英语和美语的差异笑话

  已有太多的游记叙述过英语与美语的差异,以及所造成的误会或笑话。然而,听归听、读归读,惟有回忆自己的亲身经历

  已有太多的游记叙述过英语与美语的差异,以及所造成的误会或笑话。然而,听归听、读归读,惟有回忆自己的亲身经历,才能会心一笑。

  来英国之前,只知道英语的万国音标对苹果的发音是“阿婆”;相对的,美语的KK音标则应为“耶婆”。当初,只认定这差异应如同四川话的重庆腔或成都腔的不同,应该是相通的才是。哪知,差异并不只是如此。

  记得当我们由伦敦国际机场走出海关时,已是万家灯火。由于哥哥要第二天才来接我们,便在先前预订的机场旅馆暂宿一夜。这一夜,为我这一年的“美语在英国”的趣拉开了序幕。

  这家旅社没有四星级以上的排场,却收费不低。在柜台登记之后,等了一会儿,仍不见服务员来帮我们搬运整整八大皮箱的行李。我于是问柜台小姐有没有cart?小姐们经验丰富,告诉我手推车的英语是trolley,不是cart。

  于是,我们高高兴兴地推着trolley走进电梯,按third floor的按钮前往房间,却来到一排都是“4”开头的房间。猛然想到几年前去香港的经验:大厦的一楼称为ground floor(地面层),二楼才称first floor(第一层)。香港当时还没回归,那么,英国旅社的343号房间自然是在second floor(第二层)了。

  记得在上高英语课时,老师便曾指英语与美语的这点差别。就如大多数人一样,我也只当它是两国习惯不同罢了。一直到了我们第二次在伦敦街上闲逛时,才恍然大悟。原来,伦敦大多数四五层且有岁月的大楼,其“地上楼”高出地面约一公尺,好让“地上室”的窗户能露出地面。不仅如此,“地下室”外墙并不紧靠泥土,而是保留有两公尺左右的空隙。因此,虽说是“地下室”,却也有独立的门和窗。很高兴地,我终于发现了英国人为何会称第一层为ground floor的真正原因了。

  在伦敦的另一个趣事,发生在寻地铁时。我们第一次去伦敦时,依照朋友的建议,将车子停在伦敦外围,然后改搭地铁进城。在停妥车子后,便请教迎面缓步而来的一位英国老绅士,问他最近的subway如何走。老先生顺手一指,前面不远处就有一个subway的小牌子。我们庆幸自己运气不错,能找到离地铁这么近的地方停车。想着、走,哪知走完了subway,却是到了街道的另一边,哪里有地铁的影子!折腾了半天,才知道伦敦的地铁叫做 underground,而subway则是地下道。这两字的用法刚好与纽约相反。

  经过两百年的分离,以及与多国移民的交互影响,美语自会发展出许多不同于英语的用法。这些差异是说不完、道不尽的。诸如:美国人讲的car trunk(汽车行李箱)在英国叫做car boot,而美国的flea market(跳蚤市场)在英国则称作car boot sale;又如美语称糖果为candy,英语则说sweet;让人搭便车,美语说give ride,英语则说give lift;至于电话忙音,美语说“The Line is busy”,而英语则说“The line is engaged”。

  入境随俗容易得当地人的好感,进而结交到朋友。但更重要的,是可以避免尴尬。我最糟糕的一次经验,现在想来还感到脸红。那是发生在送小梦上学的路上,我们遇见了她同学的妈妈。她带着的刚学步的小妹妹,有一对湛蓝的大眼睛和一头闪亮的金发。我称赞道:“How cute!”没想到这位英国妈妈竟然没什么反应。类似情形发生了几次,我才开始注意别人的用词都是“How lovely!”在请教英国友人之后,才知道美国称赞小孩聪明可爱的cute,搬到英国却锐利刁钻的意思。

  想到自己竟然当着人家妈妈的面,说她的心肝宝贝“锐利刁钻”,真是难为情。

二、好雷人的英语笑话~HOT!

Are you going to treat me?

      An American actress came to China for the first time. One day when she was looking for her new Chinese friend after a performance, she came across an anxious Chinese who had always wanted to practice his English with native speakers, but had never found the chance. When he saw the actress, he went up and exchanged greetings, then started his practice.

       “How old are you?”

       “I’m sorry. Please don’t ask a lady about her age,” the actress said uneasily.

       “How much do you earn each month?” the Chinese tried hard to recall this sentence from his textbook.

       “Sorry again. We don’t feel like telling others about that either, “ she again refused to answer.

       “Have you had lunch?” the Chinese tried again to show his traditional way of greeting.

       “No, are you planning to treat me to a meal?’ she asked in surprise.

      你要请客吗?

      有位美国女演员首次来中国演出,有一天演出结束后在找她的中国朋友时,碰见一位总想与老外练讲英语的中国人,可惜他一直没有这样的机会。当看到这位女演员时,他走上前去互相问候,接着便练起英语来。

       “你多大啦?”

       “对不起,请不要问女士的年龄,”演员感到很不自在。

       “你每月挣多少钱?”中国人极力回忆着教科书上的句子。

       “对不起,我们也不愿意把这事告诉给人家。”她再次拒绝了对方。

       “你吃过饭了吗?” 中国人再次用本民族的传方式询问对方。

       “没有,你要请我吃饭吗?”她惊喜地问。

      Give up your seat to a lady

      Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

        "You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

        "But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

        给女士让座

        小强尼说:“妈妈,今天早上和爸爸在公车上时,他叫我让座给一位女士。”

        妈妈说:“你做得很对呀。”

        “但是,妈妈,我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”

      深圳加拿大派特森英语学习中心

      好雷人的精品英语笑话

      1. I Have His Ear in My Pocket

      Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

      "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

      "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

      "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

      他的耳朵在我衣兜里

      伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

      “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。

好累人的英语笑话~hot!

      “再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

      “他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

      2. A Good Boy

      Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

      "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

      "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

      "She is the one who sells the candy."

      好孩子

      小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

      “昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

      “我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

      “她是个卖糖果的。”

      3. Drunk

      One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he

      asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two

      policemen as four then I am drunk."

      "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

      醉酒

      一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲

      回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

      4. Hospitality

      The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment

      and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have

      better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

      好客

      由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。

      客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

      5. Adidas

      上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

      6. 上帝曾经答应我

      Once god came up to me granted me a wish. I asked for world peace. That's impossible, he said.

      有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。

      Then I asked him to give you brains. He said, "Let me try world peace".

      然后我请让你变聪明。他说:“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。”

      7.Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?

      Jack: Certainly.

      Tom: And why?

      Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.

      汤姆:威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他?

      杰克:当然应该了。

      汤姆:为什么?

      杰克:否则他就该跟我借了

      8..I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport

      gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded. 'Why are you so nervous?' I asked him. 'The numbers are the date of our anniversary.' my usband confessed.

      我陪丈夫一起出差,他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。

      “你为什么那么紧张呢?”我问他。

      “这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道

      9.Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?

      Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

      妈妈:你为什么不停地跳上跳下的?

      汤姆:我刚吃完药,可我忘了先摇动瓶子了

      10.One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

      On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves

      you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'

      My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'

      一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

      我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”

      11.Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

      'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'

      'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

      玛丽非常讨厌丈夫吸烟,一天对他抱怨说:“我希望有一天所有卷烟厂都失火。”

      “不用担心,亲爱的,所有的烟卷迟早都会点着的。”他笑着说。

      12. Nest and Hair

      My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

      "What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

      "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

      "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

      "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

      Notes:

      (1) inform v.告诉

      (2) nest n.窝;巢

      (3) description n.描述

      (4) encourage v.鼓励

      (5) resemble v. 相似;类似

      鸟窝与头发

      我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

      “是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。

      “我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

      “那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。

      “哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。”

      13. I've Just Bitten My Tongue

      "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

      "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

      "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

      Notes:

      (1) poisonous adj.有毒的

      (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

      我刚咬破自己的舌头

      “我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

      “是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”

      “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

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